Self, Meet Worth.

I started my new job just over a week ago.  Day one was fraught with stress, as any new job day one is, but I seemed to have overdosed on it and it had me really questioning myself about being in this place where I so want to be-it's sewing heaven-and do I belong here? Fortunately my first day was followed by two days off so I had plenty of time to process what the heck was going on in me that I was so immediately feeling so hugely insecure. I really had to pick apart what all those scared-anxious-butterflies were about and when I got to the bottom of it, beyond just newbie jitters, I realized there was a lot going on about my worthiness to be there.

A lot of what goes on are classes that I eventually will teach which doesn't scare me so much.  But I look around at what some of the other, advanced and very advanced classes are learning, knowing I would not be teaching them for a very long time, if ever, and do I have the artistic ability to do all that? Because you're not just showcasing what the sewing computer can do, you have to make choices about color and design and the end result looks fabulous.  I know I'm not in that league.  So am I worthy of the new job turns out to be the underlying fear overdose.

Having picked apart those feelings and dug out the worrywart of "you might not be good enough" I put on the big girl panties and said to my self: they know I don't know about a lot of things and they're teaching me what I don't know.  I am an eager learner and I love tech-y stuff.  I also love fabric and color and sewing and now that I am past day one, I come home with excitement and I want to head into my sewing room after spending the day in a room filled with sewing machines. That can only be a good way to come home. I tend to my insecurities as they come up during the day, but I haven't had the Day One heeby-jeebies since. I'm where I'm supposed to be.  I belong where I am.  It will challenge me and I will grow which is why I even applied for the job in the first place.  (And just maybe, I'll stop blogging about living in fear of Everything!!)